This means you’ll have to be mindful of the risk of relapse as long as you’re together. If you’re thinking about a relationship with someone who is in the very early stages of recovery, however, it may be best to wait until he or she is more secure in sobriety. It takes time for the brain and body to adjust to living a sober life. If you’re counting because your parents, spouse, boss, doctor, or AA sponsor and home group expect you to, you’re probably being set up for failure.

Dating distracts an addict from focusing on recovery.

It also is possible to recover from addiction on your own, or for an alcoholic to resume drinking without letting it get out of hand. But it’s important to remember that only a small population is successful in those situations. What is important is check here that we take an honest look at the pros and cons of dating in recovery. We need to ask ourselves what our true intentions are and to make sure they line up with our spiritual program. Dating in recovery can be a beautiful and amazing experience.

I will never know how things might have been different if I had said no to the reconciliation and had waited for at least a year of healthy recovery before going back. The thing is, I never put myself and my selfish desires before the program of my recovery. At the same time, I didn’t lie to myself about what I really wanted to both give and receive in those past relationships. It was very plain to all who knew me what and who I was during those early years.

They had to sacrifice a great deal to become healthy again. For a potential romantic partner to be disappointed in this entails a form of rejection of a core component of the person’s identity. The woman’s therapist encouraged her to end the relationship, but as with all matters of the heart, the advice was hard to follow. The woman decided to keep seeing her partner, but they broke up a few weeks after that conversation.

Some people simply ask experienced AA members to set them up with sponsors that can help. It’s a very informal process that doesn’t follow specific rules and regulations. People who want to be sponsors can simply make that fact known in a meeting.

I’ve helped over 25,000 singles with their dating profiles over the last 16 years. During the most critical times, provide feedback to your partner about their expression of emotions through behavior and actions. Within these conversations is where they can reverse bad habits and establish healthy ones. A supportive partner does not enable destructive behaviors or allow demeaning self-talk. Holding your partner accountable for the way they react is critical. Dating a recovering alcoholic or someone in recovery will require more tangible reassurances and support techniques.

This can feel awkward, and sometimes push you, or the other person, to leave the safety net of the group. When you’re out there on the search for a potential partner, keep in mind how they support you, and how you are able to support them. It won’t always be perfect by any means, but by always looking out for one another, you can form a stronger bond that withstands any relapse or obstacle. Still, as is the case with any romantic relationship, individuals should learn as much as they can when dating someone new.

Okay, so this is the most glaringly obvious and important con when it comes to dating someone in recovery.Relapse is a sad but very possible situation that comes with sobriety. Whether the relapse occurs as a result of the relationship or due to separate issues, it will still affect the relationship. As unfortunate as it may be, dating in recovery is not without its drawbacks. You must carefully consider the negative aspects with equal attention. As much as you may want the relationship, make sure you weigh out the potential cons as well. When we first enter sobriety, we may start working out and taking pride in our appearance again.

If your loved one isn’t actively enrolled in a program, they should be attending meetings like Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous to continue their recovery journey. For a recovering addict, some days will be harder than others. It’s important that they continue to attend meetings and surround themselves with supportive people.


When you enter a romantic relationship, it’s very easy to allow it to consume most of your time, especially in the beginning. Although you’ve done your best to keep your recoveries separate, you run the risk of consistently running into your partner after the end of the relationship. Whether you see them at meetings or hear them mentioned on a regular basis, it can be hard to get away from them.

If you date someone in AA and then your partner suffers from a relapse, this may cause cracks in your relationship, especially if your own sobriety journey is going well. Just because you feel that you’re solidly sober does not mean that your partner is too. Substance abuse is a disease and relapse is a reality that may happen to your or to your partner.

Recognize that you aren’t trying to fix the other person. Take care of yourself and your needs, and remember that all relationships are complicated. Acknowledge that recovery affects and involves both of you and commit to being loving and supportive.

The Don’ts of Dating Someone In Recovery

“Recovery isn’t just to quit drinking and using, but finding out who we are and what we want, it’s crucial we acknowledge this very alive and healthy part of ourselves,” Matesa says. And what if things suddenly become strange or complicated in your relationship once you enter recovery? Chances are you’re kind of nervous to go against your sponsor’s suggestion, and she may not be qualified to walk you through the particulars. It’s important to put your recovery first, and if your partner is actively using it, it’s important to make sure you and your recovery are safe.

An effective addiction aftercare program fits a person’s specific needs, and in some cases, a more secular approach to recovery may be preferable. Someone in an active addiction is controlled by their compulsion to use drugs or alcohol. They are always seeking their next high, under the influence of a substance, or recovering from drinking or using. This means that their judgement is always impaired, and they aren’t in full control of their own behavior. Addicts become very good at lying, both to other people and to themselves.